Basic Brina & Baby : Absent

Obviously I have been absent lately. It's not for the lack of things going on. I've been pretty busy on the weekends, but I no longer have a job. There is a long story behind it, but let's just say it wasn't for me, and the business and I decided to part ways. I am happy, since the job put alot of un-due stress on me, yet I am a bit upset because I feel like I failed. Failed at what, I'm not quite sure, but it's feelings all the same.

So that leaves me with tons of time during the week. All this time is filled up...ok, let's be honest, I totally fill up half the day with laying around the house. I have been putting out several applications for teaching jobs, and some housework, taking the dog on walks, and trying my best to practice her training, but that's about it. Every one of those things I could write a paragraph on, but I will try to condense the best I can.

Teaching Jobs---They are few and far between, especially in my concentration, but there have been a few. Considering for every opening there are 300+ apps sent it, I'm not holding my breath. All I can do is apply, if I don't get any interviews, I plan on subbing for the year, and maybe a part-time job on top of that.

Housework---I have been trying to clean the place up so it will be easier when we move out, which is less than 60 days from now...Yes, we are moving, to where? We have no flippin clue. I would like to hold out as long as we can, just in case some school gets desperate and begs me to come teach...HA. Also, as of the beginning of July, we will be homeless. The rent is just too expensive, and I don't have a job. Also, Bandit has joined our family, and we need to do the best thing not just for us, but for her also. I want a 1st floor place, so she c an go right outside, and something with a bit of a yard/nice for walking her.

Bandit---We are almost done with puppy classes! Our repertoire of commands include: sit, down, off, roll-over, leave it, come, and we are working on stay, shake, and hi-5 (we just learned them at last night's class). Next Sunday is graduation! Of course we will still be homeschooling even though our classes are over. EW and I have talked about furthering her education, so Bandit will be going to intermediate classes, where they learn more advanced commands, like 'wait' is a short-term 'stay'. We are going to wait a couple months for her to become polished on her first commands. This summer is pretty crazy with a couple weddings, and moving (possibly out of the area), so we will see where we are come fall, and re-enroll her then.

With all of the above going on, I haven't really felt myself lately. At first it felt great to not be in the place I was when I was working. The environment was just not for me. But after a few days, I have slipped into the place where I was before I had the job. Lost, confused, not knowing where my 'place' is. I have to say, Bandit really helps be shake some of these feelings, because she is needy (always wanting to go out, go on a walk, play, etc.). The black hole I have fallen into becomes gray, and not so looming, but it's still there. This past year has been one of the best/worst of my life. I have gained so much, yet lost alot too. I'm one of those people that have a hard time regaining their balance when things shift. My life keeps shifting, and I just can't seem to catch up. I need normal, I crave it. The only times I feel the ground beneath me are the nights EW, Bandit and I are together, and when I am Home (my parents' house). Those are the only times that I feel right. I'm really hoping I can re-gain my balance in the next few months. Between moving, and starting a new career (hopefully one that I actually enjoy), I can feel more stable.

My brother and I at Easter.