Not only do I feel depressed, but I have been having nightmares about how I'm not a good teacher, and how I have failed as a person. This self-doubt has increased so there are days that I feel utterly hopeless. I know that it sounds silly, even as I am typing this, but when you have hours every day to just sit and think about how your life is totally not working out like you thought it would, things get a bit heavy. For instance: This past weekend I had a dream about some high school 'friends' and Mel Gibson. Yeah...he ended up spitting on me and rode off with my friends, leaving me stranded. What does that tell you about what kind of place I am in? And that it bothers me when a now D-list actor spits on me in a dream.
I have been on an interview and I hope to hear something good soon, so things could be looking up. It's 5 days away from my 26th birthday, so I could really use some good news. However, with it being so close to my birthday, I would think I would be a bit more excited. It must be the funk that I'm in that is zapping out all of my cheer. I guess 26 is just another number. Just another year.
It must seem that I am just a Debbie Downer, but I really do appreciate all the good things going on in life. These are the things that seem to keep me going. Bandit is my companion every day, and EW has been great during my funk. He keeps telling me that everything will be ok, and lets me cry when I need to. He knows it been a rough year and a half for me, but just having him with me is such a comfort.
Really, I just can't let myself slip into the past. That is where everything goes down hill. When I think about what could have been, it always ends up badly. I need to remember that things happened for a reason, and I'm in the present--here and now.
Anyway, now for some happiness...
I finally got around to putting up our family pictures. Love them!
It's that time of year again. Pumpkin muffins :)
One box of cake mix and one can of pumpkin. Mix. Bake on 350 for 10 min.
You can use a gluten-free cake mix, if needed.
Our little pumpkin.
She has found a new favorite place. I guess I take up too much room on the couch,
and she needs more room to spread out.
Hopefully I have broken my funk, and I will be updating a bit more often! Of course I'll have to do one on Bandit's first Halloween. Especially since she is dressing up!
-Brina
